I've figured out a solution to the energy crisis. It's cheap. It's inexhaustible. It's
insects.
Ever notice the wasted energy produced by bug zappers? Many a summer night I have
enjoyed listening to insects die with an electric "zwipp." Why not invent
something that captures that "zwipp" to turn on a light bulb?
We could hook a zapper up to a generator in every home. The ideal place to install it
would be the basement or laundry room, since that's where bugs congregate to plot how to
infiltrate the flour canister.
All insects and spiders that trespass into our homes could be inserted into the
zapper-generator. What makes this so ideal is that no matter how many insects we convert
into energy, there are always many more to replace them, because bugs have a kind of relay
system, wherein if Bug 1, whose assignment was the window corner, disappears, Bug 2 takes
over, and so on.
Just recently my children and I were startled by a terrifying sight on the front door
stoop -- a fat spider that looked like it had eaten the neighbor's cat and was now wearing
its pelt. The spider was crouching in the doorway, seemingly waiting to ambush the
children as they left for school. Fortunately, my husband heard us scream and rushed to
the rescue with his rubber mallet.
The next morning, as the children stepped onto the porch, they were sprung backwards by
a giant web. My children out-smarted the new spider by slipping out the back door, which
was clear because the insects of the back deck had not yet met with the bugs of the front
yard to swap military intelligence.
One evening, at a prayer meeting in church, I was the object of a sneak attack. I felt
a tickle slowly make its way up my leg inside my jeans. I scratched, but the tickle moved
on. No longer able to concentrate on anything else, my brain sent a message to my vocal
chords: It's a people-hungry tarantula! Scream! and to my legs: Dance!
but I didn't think this was a reasonable activity for just then.
The creature passed my knee. (Reading this makes your leg itch, doesn't it?) I couldn't
take it any longer. I smacked my leg and scratched until I heard a crunch. Then I shook
the enemy all the way back down my leg and what fell out was a cricket.
I learned, that night, that creepy-crawlies -- and not all of them are the legged or
winged type -- can distract us from getting closer to God. Life is full of temptations
that make us feel itchy, and it is only God's power that can accomplish the squishing.
I'm thinking now of the following week's prayer meeting. I wanted to stay home, lest I
should encounter another cricket. Watching television with my husband's rubber mallet
seemed the best idea. But I prayed for guidance, and God helped me "zwipp" the
temptation into energy to go where he wanted me.
OK, God, now what are we going to do about the spiders that are busy webbing shut all
our doors and windows?
